I appreciate that Jesus addressed anxiety because it assures me that I am neither the first nor only to encounter it. It may seem such an ordinary thing, but Jesus thought it worth mentioning.
I struggle with being anxious. Why? Honestly, I like the idea of being in control. I want to take charge of any circumstance. I like to have a schedule and I want to keep it. Surprises of any kind are often a nuisance to me. I perceive myself as having a goal and continuously heading toward it. Perhaps you can relate.
Perhaps you can also relate to my honest admission that the way I’ve just presented myself is inaccurate. I do set schedules and wish to keep them. I am not a fan of surprises. I do have goals and am working toward them. However, my lofty intentions and reality are rarely aligned. I probably waste more time worrying about what I need to do than actually doing it. I tend to get way ahead of myself. I worry about a paper due in 6 weeks or needing to pack to move in 3 months rather than doing what today requires.
The key here is the idea of what is needed today. Every minute I spend worrying about things that may or may not happen in the future, I am squandering the present. This is by no means advocating for the disregard of preparation. I am sure God did not intend for us to be flippant about our responsibilities. Rather, it is about prioritization. I can’t pack my clothes today for my move in 3 months but I can read my weekly assignments and prepare for tomorrow’s classes. Worrying about either of these is not a valid alternative.
Seems simple enough, right? In fact, it must be too simple for me to take at face value. It just won’t sink in. I find that the older I get the more I realize I am in control of so few things. This “loss” creates more anxiety in me. If I cannot influence the outcome of situations or the choices of others, I cannot be sure of the things that will happen to me.
Where does this leave me? In reality, it leaves me right where I started. The only thing that’s changed is my awareness. I was never in control. Not knowing it made it no less true. What then can I do about this?
In my stubbornness I usually try several things that leave me more exhausted and frustrated, knowing all the while I should be turning to Christ. He is the only answer and the core of my heart knows it. Yet, I persist in my striving. I struggle with anxiety over control most often because I am attempting to take responsibility for things that are not my concern. I am attempting to work outside the scope of my position and influence. Inevitably I fail, which leads me back each time to the truth of the matter. I am not in control.
That’s right. I am not in control, but I know the One who is. I belong to Him and trust Him for my future, not only in heaven but in this life. This trust ranges from the biggest issues to the smallest.
Sometimes the best way I can demonstrate this is by simply giving all these racing thoughts to Him, asking that He only bring to mind those concerns He would have me focus on at the time He would have me focus on them. The principle is simple, but the practice is difficult for me. I need reminding. I need a lot of reminding. It is during these times of inner turmoil, when I cannot find calm within myself and am ready to give up that He nudges ever so slightly, prompting me to do as He commanded. “Be still, and know that I am God.”
Lord, help us. As your people we desire to follow You, but we are flawed. We put our own shortsighted understanding before Your unfathomable knowledge. In practice, we often want to be like You more than we want to have a relationship with You. Break our hearts over this and bring us back to Your saving grace on a daily basis. Show us how to be still so you can be God in our hearts and lives. Amen.
